A few months back, I decided that everything and everyone is totally fucked up when it comes to dating. Obviously I could have inferred this fact at the age of seven if I had tried hard enough, but evidently Oreos, the playground, and freeze tag were far more important at the time. This moment of pure zen came when I was talking to a girl friend of mine who is a ripe 24 years old. She had just been to her brothers wedding and was the lone child in the family who was not married or engaged. She spent about twenty minutes telling me how obnoxious being at the wedding was because everyone kept saying shit like, “so where’s your boyfriend?” and “when are you getting married?” Fucking 24!!!!!! Come on now, humans. I’m no Barney Stinson, but 24 is pretty young. I guess it’s just not cool to still be single when you’re 24.
What do you do when someone tells you it’s “ok” to be single?
by Simon on March 9, 2010
Hey Diana,
First of all I’m assuming, due to the tone of the this email, that you have been the victim of some insensitive-guy issues. I’m sorry if this is the case!
It’s hard to answer this question without sounding like a complete dick, so I guess I’ll start with the harshest thing first. Have you ever heard the saying, “For every hot girl in the world there is a guy who is tired of fucking her”? Well, the reason this saying exists (along with every other stereotype) is because in general guys are the sex that are more concerned with, well, sex, and girls comprise the sex that is more concerned with settling down and creating a nest and a family. Now, of course, there are exceptions to every stereotype, and usually a lot of them, and those exceptional guys are the ones you should be looking for to settle down with.
This also brings up a very touchy, and heavily debated, discussion about monogamy in general. How do you find someone that only wants to be with you?
I have a question….Why do guys find the need to stick it in so many different girls? If they are already having good sex with someone, why can’t they just be satisfied?
The Simon and Cole Show: Pilot
Aired: 3/6/10
Simon and Cole discuss the origins of simonandcole.com, 25 second blowjobs, good excuses for breaking up with someone, handjobs, masturbation, and strippers.
I woke up with one thought on my mind today: masturbation is funny. I don’t mean funny like it’s really strange and weird and a coincidence. (By the batshit fucking way, everyone seems to have mistaken the word funny, which means something that is worth laughing at, for coincidental which means something that happens by chance. Stop this now please.) I mean funny. Go to town on yourself here…….
by Simon on March 6, 2010
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