SubscribeAfter I arrived back to the US a few weeks ago, I began noticing several changes in my life. A year away is a long time & yet
nothing seems to have changed but me. Aside from the obvious triple l (location, language, & linguistics) I encountered another harsh l word: loneliness. It’s weird as a guy my age to admit or even brush over the thought that I could be lonely. It’s even weirder to think that had I really sat down & thought about it five years ago, I could have guessed that this was coming. You could have too.
Month: June, 2009
Manifestations of Loneliness
3-Day Vacation Romance (preferably somewhere tropical)
I love the idea of the long-term, monogamous relationship. I love the idea of having a companion. The idea of growing old with
someone is nice. The thought that we could help each other evolve as we traverse the complex inner-workings of life & its sometimes-difficult processes, is certainly a positive one. Starting a family sounds wonderful. In summary, the whole traditional relationship–go through life together, get married, so on & so forth–concept is really a lovely ideal in my mind.
But–& there is always a but–it’s hard for me to believe that I could, in reality, spend my life with one person and not get bored, and/or that I could find someone who can deal with my desire to lead an incredibly random life of traveling and wanting to do a new thing every hour. My mind also comes to question monogamy as human nature. Yet, I digress, because these are just exterior issues of the root problem, which is that I cannot seem to fathom what it may be like to find someone that has all the qualities I want in a person, and furthermore that I even know that a person with those qualities is really the right person for me. I just seem to have a chronic head-cold which involves completely over-thinking everything instead of just letting things happen as they may, and enjoying the process, instead of it’s fruits. “…[I] think too much and feel too little…” -Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator
The Young Porn Star
So Veronica bailed on me. I fuckin’ knew she would. Maybe it was my terribly low confidence in the whole thing working out. She texted me a few hours before she was supposed to come and said she couldn’t make it. Her excuse was something about school, which is far more legitimate than anything else she could have potentially said, but it was still kind of hurtful. I won’t ever see her now. Like ever.
Porn
Raise your hand if you’ve watched, and enjoyed, porn…*raises hand*
I recently read a book called Snuff by Chuck Palahnuik. For those who haven’t read a book by Palahnuik, do so soon! He is not only hilarious, but the research he puts into his historical elements parallels the wealth of bizarre American history in a Dan Brown book, which happens to be the only redeeming thing about Dan Brown books. Anyway, back to the point. Snuff is about a washed up porn star who is trying to end her career by breaking the record for the number of sex acts performed in a row (according to the definition this is a finger in vagina, hand on penis, mouth on penis or vagina, or penis in vagina for at least one minute) . This film is going to make millions and millions of dollars which will go to her lost child that no one really knows exists, except in myth. Read on…
Bliss Connection
