I love the idea of the long-term, monogamous relationship. I love the idea of having a companion. The idea of growing old with someone is nice. The thought that we could help each other evolve as we traverse the complex inner-workings of life & its sometimes-difficult processes, is certainly a positive one. Starting a family sounds wonderful. In summary, the whole traditional relationship–go through life together, get married, so on & so forth–concept is really a lovely ideal in my mind.

But–& there is always a but–it’s hard for me to believe that I could, in reality, spend my life with one person and not get bored, and/or that I could find someone who can deal with my desire to lead an incredibly random life of traveling and wanting to do a new thing every hour. My mind also comes to question monogamy as human nature. Yet, I digress, because these are just exterior issues of the root problem, which is that I cannot seem to fathom what it may be like to find someone that has all the qualities I want in a person, and furthermore that I even know that a person with those qualities is really the right person for me. I just seem to have a chronic head-cold which involves completely over-thinking everything instead of just letting things happen as they may, and enjoying the process, instead of it’s fruits. “…[I] think too much and feel too little…” -Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator

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