I received this email yesterday, and I’m so glad I did!  It very much pertains to issues I have talked about in a previous post regarding the difficulties of girls and guys being just friends.

I have been best friends with this guy for about 5 years now, since high school.  We get along so well, have the same sense of humor, political opinions, views of the world, etc. etc. I’ve known that he has always liked me but for a long time I was never attracted to him and purely thought of him more as a best friend/brother figure.  I’ve dated other guys, he’s been in a serious relationship, yet all this time he has continued to make it known to me that he likes me (as in texting me that he loves me, has been in love with me for years—pretty obvious stuff).  Anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend in March and texted me immediately that he had broken up with her, almost making me think he did it just so that he could finally have a chance with me.  I still was more of the mindset that we were better off as friends and turning it into anything was just too messy.

Well long story short, curiosity got the best of me and about a month ago or so we hooked up. Read on…

No, this is not a joke. We didn’t make up this name, it just happens to be extremely similar to the one we made up for our first anonymous email. But, thank you so much Kat for your email! Aside from some close friends & a serious appreciation for “The L Word,” our experience with lesbian relations is limited. But, as a bisexual friend of ours said, “people are people,” & we’ll do our best to help you Kat.

Hi Simon & Cole,

Love your blog! My question is a little different though. In December I met a girl out one night & we hit it off right away – not a situation I’ve ever been in (meeting a WOMAN in a bar, & one that I was actually attracted to). She told me about her boyfriend of 4 years but also how she’s always been “curious” about being with a woman & wanted to explore her attraction to them. Red flag went up immediately – I don’t want to be some curious girl’s experiment, but at the same time, the chemistry between us was unreal. She broke up with her boyfriend pretty abruptly & things took off. We spent almost every day of December & most of January together until one day she decided that being friends was best. I knew from the beginning that may happen witnessing her overwhelming attraction to men, yet why me?

After the “friend” talk occurred, she continued to be overtly sexual with me, corner me in bars, & tell me how much she cares about me. Neither of us want to be in a relationship, but that kind of contact after setting boundaries was inappropriate & gave me a sense of false hope. She initiated everything the entire time & I played no part in “turning her gay.” A few nights ago, she pulled me into the bathroom while we were out with all our friends for a steamy make-out sesh. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it a lot, but knew better. Later that night, she slept with one of our guy friends & has been seeing him since.

She claims she doesn’t want to be exclusive & likes the best of both worlds…but can’t hook up with me because she’s afraid her feelings will grow. I on the other hand, want to remain disease-free & won’t bother. I suppose my question is…what does this all mean? Did she have her curiosity settled & decided just to be friends or is she just a selfish slut? Is she dating this new guy simply because he’s a guy & it’s easier that way? Oh women…can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

Thanks guys!

Kat

See what we tell Kat to do…

We received the following email from an anonymous girl. I’m going to call her Kathryn. Hope you like your new name Kathryn!

Dear Simon and Cole,

So here’s the scoop. I’m totally in love. Problem is, through external factors (graduation, careers, etc.) that we couldn’t control my man & I live 2000 miles apart. We’ve been in a long distance relationship (LDR) since May 2008 & although it’s been challenging at times, we have definitely made it work. I feel like our relationship is healthy, we’re honest, trust each other, put in the effort, & when we’re not planning trips to visit each other, we can even see each other each night via video chat (whole ‘nother story there, my friends;). Maybe from a male’s perspective you might haul off & say, “End it, better luck somewhere else with someone in your own city, don’t you want to date other guys? etc.” but I’m not all about being single & ready to mingle. I’m old enough to realize when something is serious & yes, the juice is worth the squeeze.

So to cut through the rest of the bullshit. Here’s the dalai llama: I’m independent & have never “needed” anyone. He’s the first I’ve considered moving for (& when I say for, I would have my own job, own apartment & own life, he would be an amazing attribute to wherever we/I/him moved). I’m not asking you to know or analyze my relationship, but rather your honest thoughts & evaluation…to move or not to move? When is the right time to take the leap?

Read Cole’s advice about the leap to move…