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Q:
I have a question….Why do guys find the need to stick it in so many different girls? If they are already having good sex with someone, why can’t they just be satisfied?
-Diana
A:
Hey Diana,
First of all I’m assuming, due to the tone of the this email, that you have been the victim of some insensitive-guy issues. I’m sorry if this is the case!
It’s hard to answer this question without sounding like a complete dick, so I guess I’ll start with the harshest thing first. Have you ever heard the saying, “For every hot girl in the world there is a guy who is tired of fucking her”? Well, the reason this saying exists (along with every other stereotype) is because in general guys are the sex that are more concerned with, well, sex, and girls comprise the sex that is more concerned with settling down and creating a nest and a family. Now, of course, there are exceptions to every stereotype, and usually a lot of them, and those exceptional guys are the ones you should be looking for to settle down with.
This also brings up a very touchy, and heavily debated, discussion about monogamy in general. 
For any objective person, it’s hard to say whether monogamy is actually our natural instinct. If so, we are one of very few animals that is monogamous, which could lead one to believe that we are actually forcing ourselves to be monogamous when in fact it’s against our will. On the other hand, since we have been reasonably successful at being monogamous, maybe our problems lie solely in our severely inept skills at picking a mate.
The over-arching advice to take home though, as it especially pertains to implementing into your own life, is to find a guy who will be satisfied with you only, and not need to stick it everywhere. Don’t settle for guys that 1) aren’t interested in having a girlfriend and/or 2) not interested in you. It sounds callus, but so much of the population settles for someone who is clearly not good for them, and they hold on for dear life by making excuses for their behavior and compromising what they want because they are so afraid that they’re not going to find anyone else, or even more commonly that they know that person can change and be the person they want them to be, so it would be stupid to let go of them now. Be wary of situations where you are constantly making excuses for that other person, where you are feeling uncomfortable because they never call or let you know that they really care about you, and where you are not really ever feeling happy unless they are fucking you or right next to you telling you that they like you. Anyone can lie, and most people do. But, the only person you can guarantee won’t lie to you is yourself. So, don’t start lying to yourself for the sake of another person who doesn’t treat you well, at all.
This lack of being true to yourself is the problem. There are people in the world that don’t share the same core principles and values and there are people that do. There are people who aren’t going to like you for who you are, and there are people that will. For ladies to find a guy who will want to be with you only, find a guy who loves you for you and shares those same fundamental values, then you shouldn’t have a problem. Weed through the guys that suck, and guys, weed through the girls that suck, because there are plenty of both.
-Cole
Disclaimer: to find a person who loves you for you and shares your values is fucking difficult. You may think you’ve found it over and over again when you haven’t. You have to be very, very patient. And impatience is a lot of the reason why people compromise what they want. And, although the tone of this reply may sound grim, there are people out there who will be good for you and treat you well.
My take? It’s simple. It has nothing to do with the sex, and everything to do with the chase. A new, attractive person is exciting. Sexual tension builds and it’s all you can think about to jump that fence to experience the ‘greener grass’. As much as current sex could be off the charts, whose to say it couldn’t be even more so with someone else? I turns into an unspoken challenge one dares themselves to conquer. And it’s nothing anyone should take personally. For example, some people are perfectly content to live their entire lives in the same, tiny, midwestern town, while others try living in multiple places, also traveling everywhere in between. At some point, the traveling gets to be too tiring, or you’ve seen it all, and you settle down somewhere. Same goes with sex. You fuck everyone, or try to, and at some point the game gets old. Then you settle down with one person and hopefully there’s a happily ever after. The confusing part is when someone thinks they’re ready to settle down, or gets pressured into it, when they truly aren’t ready yet. If you’re not ready to settle down, slipping a wedding ring on your finger & mailing in a marriage license isn’t going to stop your eyes, and potentially your downstairs, from wandering. So don’t take it personally, and don’t hate the player, hate the game.
H&P,
I agree with you on all counts. This confusion of settling down before you’re ready or being pressured into it is the problem. If you find yourself in a situation like this it’s always best to be honest about where you are at because it’s unfair otherwise.
I totally agree. I have too many friends that are getting married because their girlfriends gave them ultimatums (YIKES!). My real point is to just not take it personally if someone moves on, or especially if they cheat, because then it’s their lack, not yours! As hard as it obviously is to keep that in mind, it’s the truth I’ve discovered from lots of experience.